


how long I've been lonely (star of love, shine bright)

by thylionheart



Series: if my heart was a house, you'd be home [6]
Category: A Wrinkle in Time (2018), Kairos (O'Keefe) Series - Madeleine L'Engle
Genre: Abandonment, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Child Neglect, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Father Figures, Found Family, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Middle School, Mother Figures, Post-A Wrinkle in Time, Rated T for language, Romance, Spousal Infidelity, no i'm not, the angst has returned y'all i'm sorry, the language isn’t very strong but I’m just being cautious, those last two don’t apply to Meg/Cal or Kate/Alex breathe easy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-17
Updated: 2018-08-17
Packaged: 2019-06-27 22:07:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,168
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15694284
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thylionheart/pseuds/thylionheart
Summary: In the middle of the night, Calvin breaks down at the Murry home.*not a standalone*





	how long I've been lonely (star of love, shine bright)

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is actually from Kate & Alex's perspectives—moreso Kate's than Alex's. I actually really like writing from Kate's perspective; I like her voice and exploring how her and Alex's relationship is a reflection of Meg and Calvin's. I feel like Meg and Alex are quite alike, while Calvin and Kate share some similarities, and it's fun to write that.
> 
> The title is from Time and The River by Nat King Cole.

* * *

  

_“That’s the funny part of it. I love them all, and they don’t give a hoot about me. Maybe that’s why I call when I’m not going to be home. Because I care. Nobody else does. You don’t know how lucky you are to be loved.”_

Calvin O’Keefe | _A Wrinkle In Time_ (3.47)

 

* * *

 

Fire crackled in the old brick fireplace and filled the living room with a toasty warmth. Both hands of the grandfather clock rested on the twelve, declaring it to be midnight. On the couch, Kate reclined against the tasseled pillows with a book in her hands and her feet resting in her husband’s lap. Alex was evaluating one of their intern’s dissertations and muttering the words under his breath as he read. Kate knew he only did that when he was frustrated.

She didn’t raise her eyes from her book as she calmly chided, “You’re mumbling.”

“Am not.”

Kate poked him in the stomach with her foot and he let out a half sigh, half chuckle. “Alright, fine. It’s just...this poor kid”—Alex sat up and shook the laminated binder that held the essay—“has absolutely no grasp of the Ehrenfest theorem. I feel like my brain is trudging through molasses. Our Megatron could write a better thesis than this.”

“And that is why he asked you to read it, darling. He needs guidance.”

“He needs a better professor, is what he needs. What the hell are they teaching up there at Stanford?”

“Be nice.” Kate jabbed him with her foot again. 

He caught her ankle and started tickling her toes. Unable to keep from laughing, Kate squirmed and protested and swatted at his hands. After a minute his tickling eased into a gentle massage, and Alex grinned smugly at her, as if to say: _I win_.

Kate smiled. She had missed this. She had missed _him_.

There was a sudden noise across the room. The couple turned and saw Charles Wallace scrambling down the stairs. He stopped a few steps from the bottom and stared at his parents, eyes wide.

“Charles?” Alex moved Kate’s legs and stood. “Is everything okay?”

Their son shook his head. “It’s bad.”

Kate stood as well. Dread pricked at her skin. “What’s bad, honey?”

“I don’t know. He’s shutting me out.”

“What do you mean? Who?”

At that moment, there was a sharp knock at the door. The adults started, but Charles Wallace didn’t even blink.

“Calvin.”

Kate and Alex exchanged a glance, then hurried to the front door. Sure enough, when Alex opened the door there stood Calvin, dressed in joggers and a ratty sweatshirt. His eyes were rimmed red and unfocused; even as Kate said his name he acknowledged neither her nor her husband.

Alex pulled him inside and closed the door. “Calvin? What’s wrong?”

The boy’s eyes fluttered, then he swayed. Kate grabbed his shoulders.

“Are you hurt? Please, honey, say something. What’s happened?”

Calvin opened his mouth, but when he tried to speak a sob drowned out his voice. His knees buckled and he collapsed into Kate’s arms. Within seconds, he was bawling.

Kate stared at Alex with wide eyes. He looked as panicked as she felt. Carefully Kate guided Calvin to the couch and sat down, letting the boy curl up beside her and rest his head in her lap. Calvin cried uncontrollably; his whole body shook and his breathing was shallow and erratic.

Thankfully, he didn’t appear hurt—at least, not physically. Kate saw no sign of blood or bruising. Her husband sat next to Calvin and rubbed his back, talking calmly to him, reassuring him and urging him to breath easy. After a minute Charles Wallace padded over, looking a tad helpless; he placed a hand on Calvin’s arm, then took off the older boy’s shoes and set them aside in a simple—if rather practical—gesture of compassion.

As Calvin continued to sob, Kate carded her fingers through his hair and began singing softly to him, putting all of her love and care into each word of the lullaby.

_“They hear you when you cry…this love is far and wide…when you smile the stars align...flower of the universe…and child of mine…”_

Movement on the stairs caught Kate’s eye. She glanced up and saw her daughter shuffling down the stairs. Meg still appeared half-asleep; she yawned and rubbed at her eyes, and almost walked right on through to the kitchen without noticing the scene before her until Alex called her name.

“I know, I know, it’s late,” Meg whined sleepily, her back to her parents. “I woke up a while ago and I couldn’t go back to sleep”—she began turning around—“so I just thought I’d make myself some—Calvin?”

As soon as her eyes landed on her best friend crying in her mother’s lap, all trace of drowsiness fled her face and she paled.

“Calvin? Calvin!” Meg ran to his side and, kneeling, took ahold of his hand. “What’s wrong? Are you hurt? Is he hurt?”

Calvin didn’t say a word; Kate wasn’t even sure if he knew Meg was there.

“He’s not injured,” Alex assured her.

“But why’s he here? Why’s he crying? What happened?”

“We don’t know, Meglet. He hasn’t said anything.”

Meg stroked Calvin’s cheek and began whispering to him. Though his eyes didn’t open, Kate saw Calvin squeeze her daughter’s hand tightly.

Charles Wallace scooted close to Meg and nestled against her, then reached forward and held Calvin’s arm. Her son’s eyes still held that same helplessness as before; the last time Kate had seen him this way was before his father’s return, anytime Meg had endured a particularly bad day at school and not even her little brother’s thoughtful words had been able to ease her troubled soul.

Fifteen more minutes passed before Calvin stopped shaking. Kate felt his shoulders grow heavy with exhaustion, and his breathing deepened as he fell asleep. Carefully she moved out from under him and placed a pillow beneath his head while Alex draped a blanket over him. Calvin’s face was streaked with tears, and Charles Wallace reached forward and wiped his cheeks dry with a tenderness that made Kate’s chest swell with solemn pride.

“Let’s let him rest,” whispered Kate, placing a hand on Meg’s shoulder.

Meg shook her head. “I’m not leaving him.”

“Meg—”

Charles Wallace cut her off. “I’m not leaving either.”

Kate looked to her husband for back up, but he gave her a defeated shrug. 

“It’s not a school night,” Alex said quietly. “What’s the harm in letting them sleep down here for tonight? And besides, it’s probably best for him not to wake up alone.”

With a sigh, Kate relented. Alex went and fetched sleeping bags for the kids while Kate pushed the coffee table under the piano to make room. Meg laid down right next to the couch, still clutching Calvin’s hand.

 

* * *

 

Sunlight streamed in through the sheer linen drapes as Kate changed out of her pajamas. Alex was still lying in bed, heavy-eyed but awake; the red letters of his alarm clock displayed the time: 6:24 AM.

After going through her morning routine, Kate crept down the stairs. Quiet voices stopped her short, and she sat down a step above the landing where she could see the source of the voices whilst staying hidden.

Calvin and Meg were sitting on the couch together, tucked under the blanket and talking in low tones. Even from where she sat on the stairs, Kate could see the doleful look in Calvin’s eyes. She sighed.

“Ooh, are we spying?” Alex whispered as he sat down beside her.

“I am _not_ spying. Just...observing.”

“Ahh.” He gave her a wink. “Observing. Got it.”

Kate shoved him lightly before turning back to the kids. Their daughter was leaning back against some pillows, her boyfriend’s head resting on her shoulder. Meg’s right hand combed through his hair while Calvin played with the fingers of her left.

“They remind me of us,” murmured Kate.

“Yeah. She sure loves him.”

She frowned at his choice of words. Before she could comment, Alex nudged her shoulder.

“Oh c’mon Katie, you can’t deny she’s falling for him, and falling fast. Look at her. When was the last time you saw her being this vulnerable or affectionate with someone other than Charles Wallace?”

They watched as their daughter brushed a stray lock of hair off Calvin’s forehead and whispered something that made him smile weakly.

Sighing, Kate shook her head. “Never. Calvin’s the first friend she’s had in years. And you’re right; she adores him.”

“Well, she’s got her mama’s taste,” quipped Alex, earning a hushed chuckle from his wife. “Calvin’s pretty taken with her as well.”

“Oh, absolutely smitten.”

“We couldn’t’ve asked for a better son-in-law. Future son-in-law, that is.”

He was mostly joking, of course, but as Kate allowed herself to imagine such a future, she couldn’t help but agree.

Then, Alex stiffened. Kate looked downstairs and saw that the two young teens were leaning in for a kiss. More amused than anything, she smiled as her husband’s brow pinched into a protective frown.

“Far, far distant future,” Alex muttered, before standing and clomping noisily down the stairs. Kate stifled a laugh as Calvin and Meg frantically broke apart, and she followed her husband, pretending she hadn’t seen anything.

Alex feigned ignorance as well. “Oh, morning kiddos. How long have you been up?”

“Nothing!” Meg blurted out, then slapped a hand over her mouth and turned scarlet. Subtlety had never been her forte.

“N-Not long, sir,” said Calvin.

His voice was still hoarse from the night before, and Kate’s smirk faltered. Even Alex softened.

“How about we get some breakfast going, then. Pancakes sound good?”

The kids nodded. By this time, the noise of their conversation had woken a groggy Charles Wallace. Kate gathered her son into her arms and carried him upstairs to his room while Meg went up to the attic to change and Calvin followed Alex into the kitchen.

When Charles Wallace was snugly tucked into his bed, Kate ascended to the attic. Meg let her in and continued getting dressed once the door was closed.

Kate began tidying the attic while her daughter changed. Giving her hands something to do granted her a sense of control, and Meg’s perpetually messy room meant there was no shortage of busywork.

“How’s Calvin doing?”

“He hasn’t told me anything about what happened yet.” Meg sat on the edge of her bed and rested her elbows on her knees. She anxiously wrung her hands. “Nothing. Anytime I ask, he just clams up and gets this...this awful look in his eyes.”

“Let’s not push him. He’ll tell us when he’s ready.”

“I know, I know. It’s just—Mom, he doesn’t even seem worried about getting back home before his parents notice he’s gone.”

Kate frowned. “That is odd.” 

She picked a discarded shirt off Meg’s floor, folded it, then unfolded it and folded it again. Chewing her lip, she put it in the dresser before turning to face Meg, who looked to be on the verge of tears.

“Hey.” Kate sat beside her daughter and placed a hand on her shoulder. “No matter what happened or what may happen, we’re going to be there for Calvin. We’re not going to let him go through this alone. Okay?”

Meg nodded, but she still looked distraught. Kate kissed her forehead and drew her into a firm hug.

 

* * *

 

“Did you sleep well?” Alex added blueberries to the pancake batter and stirred. He looked up at Calvin, who was sitting silently at the island.

The teen merely shrugged, but the bags under his eyes spoke for him.

An energetic pop song began playing over the radio. It clashed so harshly with the melancholic mood that Alex reached over and switched it off. Somehow, the quiet was just as jarring.

“Do you drink coffee, kiddo?”

“Sometimes.”

“Would you like a cup?”

“…Yes. Thank you.”

Alex set down the whisk and turned on the Keurig. “Black, milk and sugar, or creamer?”

“Um, creamer.”

The coffee and pancakes were ready by the time Kate and Meg came back downstairs. Breakfast was a quiet affair and Calvin barely ate. Alex wondered if he and Meg knew it was obvious they were holding hands under the table, or if they simply didn’t care.

In the middle of cleaning up after the meal, Calvin cleared his throat. “I’m sorry for last night. I should’ve called first. I just…I wasn’t thinking straight. I didn’t know what else to do.”

There was a clattering sound as Kate set the stack of plates on the counter. “You don’t have to apologize. We want this home to be a safe place for you. You know you can come over whenever.”

“What happened last night, Calvin?” asked Alex in a low voice.

Calvin swallowed hard, then slowly reached into his back pocket and produced a folded piece of crumpled paper. He smoothed it out and handed it to Alex.

It was a note addressed to Calvin’s mother. Kate and Meg leaned over Alex’s shoulder as he read it. His heart sank coldly into his stomach.

 

_Branwen,_

_Enough’s enough. After all I’ve done for you and that milksop you call a son, you turn around and screw someone else. Fine. Let that bastard pay your bills. I’m not going to stick around and tolerate an ungrateful, money-grubbing whore for a wife._

_—Paddy_

 

Meg let out a choked gasp and turned away. 

“I should be happy, right?” Calvin stared at the floor, his voice hollow. “He is—was—a jerk. He _hurt_ me. He treated me like garbage. I shouldn’t love him. I shouldn’t—but I—I...”

“Honey, there is no right or wrong way to feel in this situation.” Kate touched his cheek gently. “It’s how you respond to these feelings that matters. And you are so full of love, Calvin. That isn’t weakness. It’s strength.”

Calvin trembled.

“Has your mother read this?” Alex asked.

He almost wished he hadn’t. Calvin’s face crumbled and he tried and failed to stifle a whimper.

“I...I found it on the island when I got home from the basketball game, but it was in an envelope addressed to her, so I didn’t touch it. Then when she came home, I watched her open it. She read it, and then...threw it away, grabbed her keys, and…and just...left.” His voice cracked. “She didn’t even look at me. I waited for her to come home for—for hours, but she never came back. I think maybe she…I think she went to be with her boyfriend.” By this point, tears were welling in Calvin’s eyes and his face had drained of color. “She chose him over—over me. Without hesitation. Like it was nothing. Like _I_ was nothing. I-I’m her son, how could she—how could _they—_ I’m—I’m their _son_.”

With that, Calvin broke down sobbing. Alex wrapped him up in his arms without a word. The boy clung to him like he was a buoy in a raging sea and he’d drown if he let go.

 

* * *

 

Kate felt sick. Beside her, Meg cried silent tears as she watched Calvin sob in her father’s arms. Pulling her daughter close, Kate rubbed her back and pressed her cheek against her temple.

Anger brewed within her. This is how a mother should treat her child in times of heartache: with comfort and love and a supportive presence. Not apathy and selfishness. Calvin deserved more. He deserved better.

A little while later, Kate and Alex left the kids in the living room and went into their room to talk privately. Kate sat on the bed while Alex closed the door behind them and leaned against it with a sigh.

“Child Protective Services?” His voice was flat and resigned, as if he had no faith in his own question.

“He’s fourteen. Leaving your teenage son home alone for a night isn’t exactly the legal definition of neglect. Even in the circumstances.”

Alex swore under his breath. “Then what _can_ we do? His mother is, what, a business consultant?”

“Management consultant.”

“At least she shouldn’t struggle financially then, unless they’ve racked up some substantial debt. But that also means she travels constantly, right? Calvin’s always made it sound like she’s never home.”

“Depends on the client, but Meg’s said it’s usually half a month home, half gone.”

Her husband had started pacing, and he ran his fingers through his hair in exasperation. “We can’t let him be alone for that long, Katie.”

“Darling, I know. Come here.”

He joined her on the bed, and she cupped his face and stroked his rough beard with her thumbs. The action calmed him a bit and he took a deep breath.

“Listen,” began Kate slowly, “We have a guest bedroom. Why don’t we give it to Calvin? For when his mother is gone.”

Surprised hope brightened Alex’s eyes; Kate could tell he hadn’t expected her to suggest that. “I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t thought of that too, but...are you sure? I mean, I support this, but do you?”

“Yes. I know it isn’t a permanent solution, but we’ll cross those bridges when they come. Right now, Calvin needs this. He needs a home.”

“Alright. Alright, then.” Alex kissed her cheek. “Let’s do it.” Standing, he grabbed his coat from the closet. “After we tell the kids, I’ll drive Calvin to his house so we can pack some of his clothes and anything else he’ll wanna keep here.”

Before he could walk to the door, Kate stopped him. “Wait. Let’s let Calvin go with Meg.”

“What, alone?”

“Yes, alone.”

“And if his mother is home? How do you think she’ll react to him bringing a girl over unannounced?”

“Probably a lot better than if he shows up with an _adult_ she’s never met before. How do you propose he explain to her why you’re there with him? With Meg, he can just say she came over to study.”

It was clear to Kate that Alex agreed with her, but he rolled his eyes and gave a petulant huff anyway. “Right, ‘cause that’s the only reason a boy would have a girl over. What if his mother _isn’t_ home?”

“Alex, if we’re going to let Calvin stay here, we’re going to have to put a lot of trust in him, and in Meg. We have to trust that they will respect any and all ground rules we lay, and that trust needs to extend outside these walls as well. Besides, you saw the poor boy. He’s far too heartbroken right now to do anything mischievous.”

Alex pursed his lips but conceded. “You’re right. As always.”

“Not always. Just...most of the time.”

“Modesty becomes you.”

“Ha-ha.”

Kate smiled as Alex placed his hand behind her head and kissed her. His beard tickled her chin.

“Let’s go tell them."

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! ♥︎


End file.
